I am who I am

Hi everyone, I hope this finds you well.

For those who are reading my blog for the first time, my name is Steve, and I recently lost Sue, my wonderful wife of 40 years, to cancer. So, yep, I’m old.

So, having said that, if you want a happy, cheerful read, you’d best move on.

Actually, I feel kinda guilty about putting out a blog that ain’t so gleeful, but that’s not what’s in my heart right now, so I have to go with what I’ve got.

In a weird way, I guess it’s like John Rambo at the end of First Blood. All the mayhem stops when he sobs and lets out how he’s feeling to his C.O. If that continues, then just maybe he can stop hurting himself, and consequently, others.

I’m not a soldier of course, but as I pour myself out in this blog, then maybe I can release some of the pain that’s in me, and persevere to survive another day. I hope that makes sense.

Sue and I met as teenagers. We didn’t just fall in love, we avalanched into it.

Nobody thought it could last. It was all too deep, too intense. They thought it would be like one of those stars that burn itself out. But it didn’t, it just continued to shine ever brighter.

We have our daughter who is terrific, and I feel so sorry for her. Not only has she lost her mum, but I know that she feels that she is losing her dad bit by bit. She is a true blessing.

She likes to try to cheer me up by sending me quizzes and tests from the internet. Some are a bit girly and frothy, but the latest was really good. It breaks you down to your personality type. The Briggs-Myers and Jung stuff.

I took the test and came out as type : I N F J  . ( Advocate ) The analysis really is amazingly accurate. Check out this bit from “Romantic Relationships” :

Advocates are enthusiastic in their relationships, and there is a sense of wisdom behind their spontaneity, allowing them to pleasantly surprise their partners again and again. Advocates aren’t afraid to show their love, and they feel it unconditionally, creating a depth to the relationship that can hardly be described in conventional terms. Relationships with Advocates are not for the uncommitted or the shallow.

When it comes to intimacy, Advocates look for a connection that goes beyond the physical, embracing the emotional and even spiritual connection they have with their partner. People with the Advocate personality type are passionate partners, and see intimacy as a way to express their love and to make their partners happy. Advocates cherish not just the act of being in a relationship, but what it means to become one with another person, in mind, body and soul.

So, yeah, it’s a small relief to grasp that what I’m feeling is understandable, considering the deep and total commitment that Sue and I had for, and to, each other.

Anyway, gonna close now. If you want to give the test a go : http://www.16personalities.com.

Thank you so much for reading this, it may not be happy, but it is honest and true.

Take care of yourselves and each other





Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s