Alone again.

I had a lovely meal with the family today. Everything was terrific. Adults and children enjoyed themselves, everyone was happy, even the food was great.

But, I went home to an empty house.

My wonderful wife of 40 years recently lost her 14 year battle with cancer.

It doesn’t matter how many phone calls and texts I get, how many supportive words from friends and family, the fact is that I miss Sue so much that it hurts. Not just emotionally, but actually physically, I guess the word is anguish.

You don’t get to my age without loss. Grandparents, parents, I have buried them all. But each time, Sue was there with me, my love, my companion, my help, my rock.

I try to fill my life with distractions, but sooner or later, I have to come home to the empty house. Some people have said that I should move. But what’s the point? Sue won’t be there. And that’s what I want, that’s what I need – Susie, my Sue.

I will close there. I know that a blog should be uplifting, inspirational, fun, – well, sorry, but that’s not where I am right now. It’s more heartbroken, crushed, lost.

I sincerely hope that you are not in the same situation. If you are, my heart goes out to you.

Take care of yourselves and each other.

Steve

 

 

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What is important ?

My young granddaughter was upset because there was something she couldn’t do at school. She was too upset for me to give her the practical help that she needed, but somehow I managed to pluck this from the air :

“It’s not important what you can’t do , but it is important what you can do.”

We went over this a few times, and after going over the many things that she can do, she was able to feel a whole lot better.

I recently lost my wonderful wife of 40 years to cancer. I have been, and still am, devastated, a complete mess, hopelessly lost.

But I now know that it’s not important that I can’t bring her back. I can, however, think of her, talk to her, play our music, watch our films, and surround myself with photos of her. That is important.

I will sign off for now. If anything here, or in my other blogs, helps or makes you feel a little better, then that’s great. Please feel free to comment etc.

Take care of yourselves and each other.

Steve

 

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to suck

This is how my first blog started :

Hi, my name is Steve. My wonderful wife, Sue, and I were together for over 40 years. She recently succumbed to cancer, after battling it for 14 years.

It’s very difficult to put into words how much we loved each other. We met as teenagers and didn’t just fall in love, we avalanched into it. We never wanted to be apart.

 

Well, it’s Valentine’s Day, a time for cards, flowers, candy, a nice meal, and love. I really do hope that couples everywhere have a wonderful time.

But, when your love is not here, and I’m not just talking absent, it can truly be a tough time. Sue and I spent 0ver 40 Valentine’s together, and now we can’t.

Or at least, that’s what I thought. It could have been very easy for me to just laze around in bed or in an armchair, completely lost in grief and misery. And that’s actually how the day started. But……………

I decided to make a change. I burned myself a CD of lots of our favourite songs. Then I played it quietly in the background. Then I got out the best photos that I could find. Then, as I listened and looked, my mind and heart took me, and us, on a nice romantic journey in my head, enjoying all the memories as if they were happening now. It was beautiful.

Now, of course I know it’s not real, it’s just make believe, and, no, I probably couldn’t do it everyday, but just for now, it’s great, and I feel so much better.

Y’see, lots of very well-intentioned people tell me to move on, it’s not healthy to dwell on the past, to want what you cannot have, and I’m sure that in their heads, that would be for the best.

But, the thing is, that my heart won’t let me do that. Quite simply, my love for Sue goes on. As I sit in the lounge, would I love Sue if she was in the garden, or the kitchen? Of course I would. Just because I couldn’t see her, doesn’t mean that I stopped loving her.

In the same way, I may not be able to actually see Sue now, but my love for her continues. And, for the forseeable future, it always will.

Anyways, that’s enough for now, the music is playing, and the photos await, so to all those couples in love, I sincerely wish a wonderful Valentine’s Day. As for me, I’m OK, I’m not alone.

Look after yourselves and each other,

Steve

 

 

 

 

Grieving and Missing

Hi, my name is Steve. My wonderful wife, Sue, and I were together for over 40 years. She recently succumbed to cancer, after battling it for 14 years.

It’s very difficult to put into words how much we loved each other. We met as teenagers and didn’t just fall in love, we avalanched into it. We never wanted to be apart.

No-one thought it could possibly last. Like one of those stars that burn itself out. But for us, our love simply burned ever brightly each and every day. At our wedding, the besr man said that we were like a 2-piece jigsaw puzzle, all we needed was each other.

The bottom line is that I miss Sue so much that it hurts. The slightest smell, sight or sound can have me in tears. If that sounds pathetic, well, I don’t really care. I’m just starting this blog to get things out of my heart and onto the page. If it touches anyone then that’s great.

I’m gonna stop now, and leave more, and there’s lots of it, for other days. I guess that people’s reaction may be ‘oh yeah’ or ‘aw bless’, but this is just how I’m feeling.

Take care of yourselves and each other,

Steve