Hi everyone, i hope that this post finds you well.
My name is Steve, i recently lost Sue, my wonderful wife, to cancer. You can imagine how i feel – brokenhearted, devastated, lost – and a hundred other unhappy and sad words.
I use this blog as a cathartic way of letting out some of what i’m feeling. Therefore, it’s not always carefree and happy go lucky, but it’s real, honest, and true.
Furthermore, (unlike Elsa who can Let it Go), in an attempt to keep Sue here with me, i have just finished a manuscript for a novel where Sue comes back and we travel the world, helping people and sorting various things out. Therefore, it combines travel, adventure and of course love.
Now, in a previous post, i said that Sue and i didn’t just fall in love, we avalanched into it. I’ve been asked what exactly do i mean by that, am i not over exaggarating just a little?
Well, i guess that i can understand that question, (even though i firmly believe that what i said was true), but i will try to explain what i meant. Please bear with me.
Sue grew up surrounded by friends and family, both very large communities. As is often the case, that can produce loud, dominant personalitites, and conversely, quiet, shy individuals. Also, there can be the commonplace view that niceness equals weakness.
Sue didn’t want to be the leader or the loudest, she just wanted to get along, be the peacemaker and if needed peacekeeper.
However, the truth is that she would often end up hurt or misunderstood. As a result, she would often go off by herself, avoiding confrontation. She may have been alone, but at least she wasn’t upset.
Growing up 50 miles away, i also had an unfortunate episode whereby i started to have a terrible stammer. This would cause impatience, frustration, or simple hilarity, and always to my embarrassment.
I suppose a simple fight or flight kicked in. Being a teenager, i chose to fight. But after many, many fights, the whole thing upset my parents, and so i turned to flight. I avoided confrontation. I may have been alone, but at least i wasn’t upset. (sound familiar?)
Anyway, we left school, i lost my stammer, and Sue and i met, in the personnel department of a bank one monday morning at 9am.
We looked at each other, and we just knew!
I guess there was a teenage attraction, (Sue was so pretty, and i was in much better shape that i am now), but we saw something in our eyes. We saw ourselves in each other.
We began dating immediately, and it was no great surprise that we liked the same things, disliked the same things, Sue was the female version of me, i was the male version of Sue. We truly were like hands in gloves.
At our wedding, the best man said that we were a lovely couple, but that ultimately we were like a two piece jigsaw puzzle, all we needed was each other. I agree totally.
Years later, at an anniversary, a friend toasted that although we didn’t look like each other, (if nothing else, i was 6′, and Sue 5’2″), in every other way we were like twins, but twins that were completely and totally in love with each other.
Often we would just look at each other, smile, nod and say “Together Forever”, and all was right with the world.
Looking back, i think that both of us had held so much in, afraid to be vulnerable enough to love. Therefore, once we lowered our defences, it was as if the floodgates were opened, and we simply poured love, trust, openness and togetherness into each other. It was good, open, honest and real.
I could go on and on, but hopefully i’ve begun to describe it properly. All we ever needed was each other. We always believed that as long as we had each other, we could do, and get through, anything. Hence, my broken heart, devastation and complete loss.
I truly feel for anyone who has lost someone dear or close to them.
I attach a photo of us after we’d been dating for about a week – together and happy.
Anyway, as always, thank you so much for reading, and please feel free to comment,
take care of yourselves and each other,